PLL Bday Fail

Spoilers ahead if you haven’t watched the 8/6/13 episode of Pretty Little Liars, mateys!

Emily’s got the worst birthday ever in the history of Rosewood. Is she the unluckiest of the PLLs or what?

I’m sorry, does anyone care about Ezra and Alex Mack’s kid and whether she does or doesn’t move to Washington? Why can’t he go with her? He’s a teacher at a high school where his underage ex-gf is a student. What exactly is keeping him in Rosewood? I, for one, think a story arc where he’s thinking about moving away and Aria’s all “Wahhhh” and/or “Fine! Go! Begone!” would be more entertaining, plausible and just plain ol’ better than him fighting with Alex Mack for stupid little Malcolm. Also, what “assignments” was he going to miss? IS HE EVEN IN KINDERGARTEN? He’s going to miss a coloring assignment? STUPID PLOT. MOVE ON PLEASE.

Was Aria drunk at the party? Like, seriously what was in that cup? She was hot and cold with Jake but in a way where I thought he’d be like, “Yeaaaaaa, you cray, see ya” and not going back to her place (again). Was also surprised “Kim” wasn’t his sister or cousin or something. Seems like a PLL move.

Poor Em can’t catch a break. And neither can Hannah’s mom. So are Emily and Paige broken up? [It’s like not even Thanksgiving yet, is it? Was the Halloween train from this year? WHAT MONTH IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE? ARE THEY SENIORS? SHOULDN’T THEY HAVE ALREADY APPLIED TO COLLEGES? Can’t they stay together until Paige actually goes to school?] Did Paige try to kill Jenna? Is that what Emily’s thinking when they go to bed? I’M CONFUSED. Although, with this show, I’m always confused. Like, where the eff did Shawna (don’t know how to spell, can’t be bothered to check…) come from and where did Noel go? How/why does Jenna have so many paramours? So will Jenna’s near-death experience mean she’ll talk to the girls? Doubtful, but we can hope.

(SIDENOTE: Does no one remember Hannah and Emily’s first boyfriends from the beginning of the show? Where are they? Why are they never addressed? Also, where the heck is Lucas? And when does Caleb go to Ravenswood? And why? How?)

Where did Pastor Ted get the money to post bail for Hannah’s mom? (When Spencer’s mom was all “a million dollars” I really wanted her to say it like Dr. Evil. Could have been awesome….) Did he like place a bet on her innocence or something and that’s why he’s got “a lot riding on her”? Does not compute.

And so we had tons of Mike, Aria’s lil brother, and now none? Ok, Mike, go back to being invisible! Twas fun!

Jake’s abs: more, please! Pretty please? (He’s far far far more attractive than Toby who I was very glad to see wasn’t in this episode…)

So, Mona’s….good? Bad? Protecting Hannah? Effing them over? Why is she glad to be back in Radley? What’s her game plan?

And CeCe (ugh, I can’t believe they spell it like that. What’s wrong with Cece?) is the big bad? I refuse to believe that. We don’t know enough about her or care about her for her to be the big bad. And there were no ‘A’ text messages this episode? Or were there and I missed them?

I ALWAYS HAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS after watching this show and it’s so incredibly frustrating. But also entertaining. I mean, I’m still watching this show, aren’t I?

Also: LOVED Aria’s black dress, I don’t know how I feel about plain Paige’s boring straight hair, and wasn’t Hannah’s hair just long and had extensions like last week or a few weeks ago? Emily’s outfits were boring. Spencer’s were ok. But how did Emily think that was Spencer in the lake? It was clearly Jenna. Like, duh, Emily. Did you even know what anyone was wearing?!?!

(All I can think about when I see Jenna in her glasses is that The Soup clip where she’s playing the flute. You’re welcome).

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